Born To Die
by Marvel-Tolkien Fangirl
Summary: Freyja's family gather around her as her eldest child dies. Old griefs are aired, but some gulfs are too wide to breach. Co-authored by Myth Queen and Marvel-Tolkien Fangirl, part of our 'Shadows and Regrets' universe. Can be read alone, but knowledge of our other stories will make this easier to understand. 'Our Farewell' by Within Temptation is the theme song for this story.
1. Chapter 1

**Born To Die**

_**AN: This story takes place in the 'Shadows and Regrets' universe, and was jointly authored by me and Myth Queen. It takes place a few decades before the events of the Thor movie. Knowledge of the other stories in this universe (found either on my profile or Myth Queen's) would make this story a lot easier to understand!**_

**~ Prologue ~**

**(Sigyn's pov)**

I was returning from a trip to the market when the messenger found me. He stood outside my marital home, solemn-faced. A feeling of unease rippled down my spine as I approached him, somehow knowing that he bore bad news.

"Good day to you," I greeted politely. "You have a message for me?"

"Yes, my Lady. From your mother. She bids you join her and your sisters on a trip to Vanaheim. You are to meet at the Observatory. She made it clear that you must depart as soon as possible."

I frowned. "Immediately? But why..."

A frightening possibility occured to me, one I could not, _would not _voice aloud. Dismissing the young boy with a wave of my hand, I quickly made my way indoors to scribble a note for Theoric- he would not return from patrol for several hours, and I did not want him to worry. Leaving the note in plain view, I slipped outside again, locking the door behind me, and quickly made my way to the Bifrost. The thought I would not say kept echoing in my mind. _Hnossa... please let it not be yet!_

Arriving at the Observatory, I saw that I was the last of my family to arrive. My mother and sisters all appeared in various states of shock- Nanna, Sjofn, Var and Snotra were pale and silent, while Lofn, Idunn, and Syn were red-eyed already. Mother hardly seemed to know what was happening- she moved as if she was sleepwalking, despite my taking her hand. Heimdall was already prepared to send us to Vanaheim, and for once he did not impart any words of wisdom as the Bifrost activated. I maintained my hold on Mother's hand throughout the journey, seeking, and hopefully giving, comfort.

As the disorientation wore off and we picked ourselves up, I noted that Heimdall had kindly deposited us all directly in front of Hnossa's home. Skadi, my step-grandmother, and her daughter, my aunt Gullveig were waiting for us, sorrowful looks on their faces. I took a deep breath and braced myself, leading Mother forwards, as she didn't seem inclined to move. The others trailed behind us. No-one said a word.

**To be continued...**

_**(Yes, Myth Queen and I are aware that this chapter is ridiculously short! But the story is already complete, and a new chapter will be published daily.)**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One**

**(Freyja's pov)**

"Modir, not so tight."

I loosened my grip on Nanna's hand. Sigyn gently squeezed my other hand. I turned briefly to make sure that my other daughters were still with us. The triplets were grouped together, looping their arms around each other, while the older three were holding hands. Hnossa's house was so quiet as we entered. Everything looked bright, clean, and empty.

"I think it would be best if you went in one or two at a time," Skadi said as she led us to Hnossa's bed chambers.

"I will take Nanna in first," I murmured.

We stopped outside Hnossa's chambers. I suddenly did not know if I had the strength to go on. What was I going to say? What words could beg forgiveness from my precious baby girl? Sigyn squeezed my hand one last time.

Nanna was the one who had to pull me into Hnossa's chambers. My baby was lying in the huge bed, pillows propped around her so that she was half-sitting. Her wrinkled, grey hands clasped on the bedclothes. The bony fingers were so frail! She smiled as she saw us, her clear blue eyes the only thing in the old woman's face that resembled how she looked as a young woman. Her golden hair had turned white as snow, the roses in her cheeks faded to dust.

I had taught myself long ago not to cry over anything. I wished I could weep now.

"I made you a present," Nanna said softly, holding up the braided flower crown she had brought from Asgard.

My heart was breaking.

"Thank you, sweetling," Hnossa said, breathlessly. She reached out but couldn't push herself up to accept the gift.

Nanna crawled onto the bed beside her sister, and smoothed back her white hair and placed the crown on her head. "Balder helped me pick the flowers."

"It's lovely, Nanna. Thank the young prince for me."

Nanna pressed her lips together, tears beginning to run down her cheeks. Moving carefully, she put her small arms around Hnossa's neck and kissed her frail cheek. "Please don't go, sister."

"I have to, precious." Hnossa smiled.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too."

Nanna was crying quietly. A good mother would go and comfort her daughters. But I was not a good mother. If I was, Hnossa would not be dying. I would have found a cure for her mortality. What had I wasted her life doing?

"Nanna, can I talk to Mor alone for a moment?"

My youngest nodded. She tentatively kissed Hnossa's cheek again and quietly slipped out the door.

I was frozen.

"You haven't called me Mor in years," I said numbly.

"Don't stay away from me, Modir."

I felt like I was moving in a dream. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked into my daughter's old face. "You have the necklace from your grandmother?"

Hnossa nodded. "I wear it all the time."

I took her frail hand and stroked my thumb along the bones that showed through her paper-thin skin. "I... If there was..."

"It is alright to be sad, Modir, but it's not alright to blame yourself."

"If I wasn't such a fool-"

"You can't dwell on the past. You have my sisters to take care of. And... I'm glad to be going. I miss Da."

Tears were bright in her eyes. I bowed my head, fighting to feel something besides this emptiness in my chest.

"I..." a sob choked me. "Oh, baby. He told me this was coming soon. When I talked with him, he said that he was happy that he would be able to see you again. He's waiting for you."

"I know." With tremendous effort, Hnossa reached up and pressed her hand to my cheek. "I worry for you."

I put my hand on hers. "I'll be fine."

"Will you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Forgive Atum."

My heart instantly hardened. "He condemned you."

"Modir, that is not the point. I know how much you miss him."

"I can never forgive him for this."

"Yes, you can. You just have to try a little harder."

A tear ran down my cheek as I thought of my brother. I hadn't seen him since Nanna was a baby. We had managed to talk civilly then, but I still did not know if I could ever look at him without hating him. My darling baby girl was mortal because of him. She was dying because of him. She was going away and there was nothing I could do about it. Because of him.

"I can try," I whispered.

Hnossa smiled a little at me, as though she knew I was lying. "I worry for Sigyn, too. She is so concerned with making others happy, she has forgotten that she, too, must be happy."

I sighed. "She still thinks that she is in love with Prince Loki. But she and Theoric are happy-"

"Satisfied. Content. Not happy." Hnossa peered shrewdly at me. "You've never said why you dislike Loki so much."

"I just did not want Sigyn to be hurt." I bowed my head. More tears were slipping down my cheeks. "Loki reminds me of Ve in some ways. In other ways he reminds me of Faraldar."

"Ah, Mor... Sigyn has always been too smart with her heart to ever fall into the same foolishness that you did." Hnossa sighed.

"I have been blessed with extraordinarily intelligent daughters."

Hnossa smiled at me. "I love you, Modir."

"I love you, too, baby." I kissed her forehead. "You want to talk with your sisters now?"

"I do. But we will talk again."

I nodded. "Of course."

I kissed her forehead again, and slowly left the chambers. Nanna had gone to Sigyn, and was sitting in her lap, crying. Idunn and Var were waiting to go in next, and I embraced them both before walking to my other daughters, embracing and kissing them. Nanna buried her face in Sigyn's shoulder, and I stroked her hair.

"Jord has just arrived," Gullveig said to me, touching my elbow.

I turned to my half-sister, who was just as old as Hnossa, but her skin was smooth and young, her hair golden-brown, and youthfulness shone from her face. "Thank you, Gully. I'll go see her now."

I left my daughters, my chest aching, a few tears still on my face. I needed my mother.

_**To be continued.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Two**

**(Gaea's pov)**

I made my way to Vanaheim as soon as my son notified me that Hnossa's time was nigh. I was heavy-hearted as I arrived, knowing the grief and pain this would cause more than one member of my family. Freyja's face was stained with tears as she approached. I held my arms out wordlessly, embracing her tightly as she broke down, her tears drenching my shoulder.

I let myself shed my own tears as I rocked her, knowing all too well the grief of losing a child. Chilling memories of the events surrounding Hnossa's birth forced their way into my mind- the terror, despair, agony and self loathing I had felt from both Freyja and Atum as the event unfolded, and the gulf that had existed between them since. I often imagine I can hear my accursed brother's laughter underscoring it all...

"Mother..." My heart twisted- Freyja's voice was so broken! Her eyes, still pooling with tears, met mine. "What will happen to Hnossa, after..."

"You have spoken with Ve, have you not?" I fought to keep my voice from breaking. "You know she will not simply cease to be. Nothing in Creation ever truly dies."

"I just... I keep thinking I could have, should have, done more to save her! There might have been some way, if only I hadn't given up..." Sobs drowned Freyja's next words.

My heart swelled with love for my daughter, even as I sighed inwardly at her stubborness. She had never found it easy to admit defeat, for any reason.

"Freyja, it was Hnossa's own choice to cease seeking a cure. To force her to take supposed cures every day would only have made her days miserable. You know that. She has lived as she wished to, and has had a full life." I stroked Freyja's blonde hair as I spoke, feeling her breathing even out, knowing she was gaining control over herself again.

Idunn and Var, her second and third daughters, emerged from Hnossa's chamber, both crying silently. Var moved to join her sisters, who, apparently unwilling to face this in a small group, all went in together to Hnossa's room, leaving Var and her youngest sister Nanna alone. Idunn approached Freyja and I, her head held up bravely despite the grief etched on her face. I had expected her to go to Freyja, but she addressed me, to my surprise.

"Grandmother. Hnossa has said she wishes to speak with you, as soon as the other girls return."

"Of course." I nodded, though I could not think why she would wish to speak with me. Idunn moved away, to console herself as best she could.

Freyja inhaled deeply. "Hnossa has asked me to forgive Atum." Her voice was flat, and she would not meet my eyes.

My heart almost stopped, I was so tense in that moment, not daring to hope that that burnt bridge might be repaired... "Will you?" Involuntarily, my words were a whisper. It would ease so much of my firstborn's burden, to have Freyja's forgiveness...

"I don't know." Freyja blinked hard. "I have hated him for so long..."

Anger at Freyja warred with sorrow for her situation. I chose my words carefully. "Hate is not a word to be used lightly, Freyja. I understand that you are angry, and indeed you have reason to be, but I do not believe you truly hate your brother. You and he were once the closest of confidantes." I placed my hand on her shoulder. "He grieves for Hnossa's fate as much as you do. Perhaps, in time..."

She shrugged me off, her eyes suddenly blazing. "He would have no need to grieve if he had not done this in the first place!" Her shout startled Idunn, Nanna and Var, but none of them spoke, watching us wide-eyed. I turned away, knowing that anything I said now would be interpreted as biased towards Atum. Freyja was in no state to hear anything else.

I had always strived to be impartial to each of my children, but Atum made things so hard upon himself...I could not honestly say that I had never been more forgiving of him than any of the others. I could never admit that though, and he would not believe it if I did. _Who am I meant to side with in this situation, my firstborn, or the soon-to-be bereaved mother?_

Soft footsteps and muted voices heralded the return of Freyja's other five daughters, all of whom looked grief-stricken. They flocked around their mother, who had once again composed herself to the best of her ability. I left her to comfort them, giving her one last regretful glance as I slipped into Hnossa's room.

Despite having known for years that she was mortal, Hnossa's aged appearance took me by surprise. Her eyes were bright and clear as ever though, and she smiled warmly at me as I approached.

"Idunn said you wished to see me?" I kept my voice soft, unwilling to disturb the peacefulness of the room. She nodded weakly.

"Grandmother." She laughed softly, shaking her head. "It feels strange to be calling you that now. Anyone who walked in would think I was yours!"

Her attempted joke was amusing, but there was no real humour in this situation. I brushed a strand of wispy white hair back from her forehead, tucking it behind her ear. Her wizened hand reached for mine. I grasped it gently.

"Did Mor tell you that I asked her to try and forgive Atum?" Her eyes were piercing, locked on mine.

"Yes, and I thank you for that, but I doubt it will happen anytime soon, child. She is distraught...and the only person more stubborn than her is Atum himself."

"I have seen him, you know." Her voice was quieter now. "When I was still able to go outside, I used to go to the shore. I often saw him, in the distance, watching me. He never attempted to approach. I think... I think he still blames himself."

My eyes stung. "He does. He does not forgive easily, himself least of all."

Hnossa twisted in her bed, reaching for one of the bedside cabinet drawers. She managed to grasp the handle, but couldn't find the strength to open the drawer herself. My hand covered hers as I did it for her. I gasped.

A thick, sealed envelope, plainly written some time ago, had Atum's name scribed on the front.

"I intended to ask Mor to give this to him, but now I think it is more likely to reach him if I entrust it to you." Hnossa's voice was weaker now, harder to hear. I took the envelope into my hands, holding it as if it were made of glass.

"I want my uncle to know that I forgive him, even if he never forgives himself."

Tears blurred my eyes.

"Don't weep, Grandmother. I have had a good life, and have no regrets. I have the necklace, so it won't really be goodbye. And Da is waiting..." She sounded as if she were far away, drifting. "Could you ask Mor and my family to come back in? I want everyone to be here. So tired..."

I moved quickly to the door, opening it, ignoring the pain in my heart. Freyja and her daughters were sat clustered together, all holding hands or embracing. Skadi and Gullveig were there too, looking lost and ill at ease. Of course- mortal death is not something they know how to deal with. I walked towards Freyja, taking her free hand in mine, clasping it gently.

I was used to giving comfort and solace, yet now, I had no idea how to soothe this blow. "She has asked you all to come inside." There were no other words.

They all filed in silently. Hnossa beckoned each sister close and murmured something soft to each of them, as well as to Gullveig and Skadi. She whispered, so no-one but the intended recepient could hear her words. Freyja was the last she spoke to, and their whispered talk was longest. Freyja nodded weakly in the end, moving back to put her arms around her youngest two after pressing a kiss to Hnossa's forehead.

Ve's daughter let her eyes roam over all of us as she smiled contentedly. "I love you all. I always will. I want you all," here her eyes focused on her sisters, "to live your lives as fully as you can. Do not waste any time or chances. You each have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Live well, and remember me. That way I will always be here, part of each of you." Her eyes fluttered, widened. "Da?" She reached out to something no-one could see. Her chest rose once more. And stilled.

Freyja's daughters all seemed to be in shock, not moving, not comprehending. Freyja stepped forward dazedly, touching Hnossa's hand.

"Songbird?" Her voice shook. Her voice broke, and she collapsed to the floor, sobbing. I stepped nearer, putting one hand on her shoulder as I delicately reached out to close Hnossa's eyes. I held my daughter tightly afterwards, as she and her remaining daughters struggled to assimilate this utter loss, the unending grief.

_**To be continued...**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

(Freyja's POV)

_What is death?_

I sat rigidly on the bed in my old quarters, staring straight into the mirror that dominated a whole wall. This was a nightmare. It could be nothing more. I would wake up soon, with Ve's arm around me, with Hnossa young and healthy, perhaps with a little child of her own, and my other daughters happy and whole without a care in the world.

There was a knock on the door. I didn't acknowledge it. Frey slipped into the room, coming to sit beside me.

"It is almost dusk."

Dusk. When the funerary pyre would be lit and my baby reduced to ash. Her spirit would be free from the mortal coil. Free to go where?

"I assume that the royals from Asgard have arrived."

"Hnossa was Odin's niece. He and Frigga have brought the princes." My twin brother put his arm around me. "Freyja, your daughters need you."

I rubbed my fingers over the amulet that Mother had given me one hundred years ago, along with two necklaces. One Ve wore when Laufey killed him. The other Hnossa wore as Time consumed her. It allowed me to speak with them. But only for one day, once a year. Often, Odin would consume half of my time with Ve. Because he lost a brother when I lost my husband. And now, I would share my time with my other daughters, so they could speak with their sister...

I didn't want to.

I turned and buried my face in Frey's shoulder. "I am a horrible mother."

"You love your daughters."

"Father was right, when I insisted on that worthless thing," I murmured, gesturing vaguely to the giant mirror. "Because of my vanity I am nothing more than a worthless whore."

"Njord is an old fool, we all know that," Frey replied firmly. "You've had fewer men than he's had women, and your reasons have always been more honourable than his. _He_ is the worthless whore. I daily question Mother's decision to couple with him, even if it did result in our existence. Stupid, useless old man... Skadi was right to castrate him–"

"Just because he is a rubbish father doesn't make me any better a mother."

Frey shook his head. "Not one of your daughters was an accident, which is more than many mothers and fathers can say about their children. You have always tried to give them the best lives they could have. And, except for your insistence that Sigyn not learn magic, you have always encouraged them to pursue the arts that they wanted to."

I was silent for a moment. "I have failed them all in so many ways. Especially Sigyn. And I am making the same mistakes with Nanna. I don't see that I'm making mistakes until it's too late to fix them. Just like I did when I betrayed Ve with Faraldar." My voice quavered. "Even now, I do not know if Ve was truly Hnossa's father or if Faraldar was."

"Mother said that Ve was Hnossa's father."

"Mother lies."

Frey rubbed my shoulders comfortingly. "Everybody lies, Freyja. And whether it was Ve or Faraldar that planted the seed that became Hnossa, it does not matter. She was Ve's daughter truely. His songbird, as he used to say."

I was silent.

"Oh, sister," my twin shook his head and sighed. "Your biggest mistake is, and has always been, your lack of forgiveness."

I pulled away from my brother, furious. "I will _never_ forgive Atum for killing my daughter!"

"Of course you won't," Frey replied gently. "Because you will never forgive yourself."

"How would you know?"

"Because you're too stubborn. I've known that since you pushed me out of the way so you could be born first."

Despite the heaviness of my heart, I managed to laugh. I stood, smoothing down the heavy dark gown that I wore. "I must go and dress Hnossa," I said. "The girls will be waiting for me, to perform the proper rituals."

Frey nodded. I walked stiffly away, trying to hold my head high. But the question still haunted me.

_What is death?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Four**

**(Sigyn's pov)**

My sisters and I were gathered around Hnossa's unnaturally still form, none of us speaking. Nanna clasped Hnossa's hand, as if she could not bear to let go. The atmosphere in the room was heavy, and no-one dared to break the silence. Inaudible tears flowed down my face. Fifty-five years ago, when I was a child, I was the first of my sisters to learn the truth of Hnossa's situation, after I had encountered my eldest uncle, Atum and...

_Don't think it! _My mind shrieked. I had vowed never to speak the demon's name again, after he had almost taken the lives of three of my closest friends.* I still occasionally have nightmares of him claiming Thor, Sif and... Loki. I thrust that thought away as well. To distract myself, I considered sending word to Theoric, to comfort me. It is what a wife should expect from her husband, after all. But when I close my eyes, Loki's face flashes into my mind. As it always has. What is _wrong_ with me, that I cannot be content with my husband?

A sniffle broke into my thoughts. Nanna had reached out to touch Hnossa's face, and tears were pouring down her young face. She glances at each of us, her expression so lost...

"She's so cold..."

"That's not her, daughter." Modir has re-entered the room, red-eyed. She pulls Nanna into her arms, keeping her voice soft. "That's not her. She's gone now."

"Where?" Nanna's voice is a whimper, a plea. Her breakdown has had a ripple effect- all my sisters are crying now. It isn't until I brush my hand across my own eyes that I realise I too am weeping.

Mother strokes Nanna's hair. "She is with her father now," she soothes, "she's safe, and happy. She wouldn't want us to grieve overmuch. She always thought of life."

I see my sisters trying to pull themselves together at Mother's words. Am I the only one who hears the uncertainty in her voice? And how could she know that Hnossa and Ve are together? No-one in Life knows the secrets of Death...

Encouraging Nanna to settle into Idunn's embrace, Mother goes to Hnossa, pressing a kiss to her brow, before walking away quickly and drawing a long icy-blue gown with silver embroidery from the nearby wardrobe. Laying the dress down reverently, she retrieves a hairbrush then almost mechanically slides the blankets from Hnossa's body.

Idunn's voice quavers. "Mother...isn't that the gown..."

"That she was given by her lover, years ago? Yes. She never wore it, though, wouldn't allow a betrothal..." Mother swiped a tear from her eye. "I think it is fitting she wear it now...unless one of you has another suggestion?"

Murmurings and head-shakes were the response. My mind was whirling. _When, exactly, was Hnossa involved with anyone?_ I had no recollection of any such thing, but my elder sisters did not appear confused.

Mother noticed my reaction. "This was long before you, Sigyn, when Idunn was just an adolescent."

Idunn nodded sorrowfully. "Back then, I did not understand why she wouldn't marry him. I imagine it seemed unfair to her, to tie a man to her, when she was mortal." Her voice broke.

Lofn, the next eldest, shook her head. "She could have given him a few years happiness. I can't imagine what I would do, in her place..."

I bit my lip, ignoring my sister. Was it really true? What else did I not know of Hnossa's life? What else had it never occured to me to ask?

Mother carefully sat Hnossa up, as if she were a doll, seeming to ignore her own tears as she worked, getting the blue gown onto Hnossa, brushing out her snowy hair, not letting any of us help. Nanna went into hysterics when the task was done, running towards the bed, grasping Hnossa's shoulders.

"Wake up! This isn't real!" My youngest sister shook Hnossa, her words almost a scream. Horrified silence seemed to have paralysed mother and the others. I dragged myself forward despite my own tears, and gently restrained Nanna, tugging her away. Mother's face was white as a sheet as Nanna pressed her face into my shoulder, and her screams became choked sobs. I didn't say anything. Nanna was too young for this, and was dealing in the only way she could. We all were. Idunn, Lofn and Var were clutching each other, but their faces were expressionless. I wonder how much effort that cost them. The triplets, Sjofn, Syn and Snotra, were huddled up together, their faces averted, their shoulders shaking.

Mother, moving as if she were in a trance, re-arranged Hnossa's attire, and placed several favoured items in her clasped hands. I saw a bracelet that Mother always wore, a locket that Skadi had gifted her step-grandaughter with, and a beautiful hair pin styled with a bird, that Ve had given Hnossa on her first birthday. Lastly, Mother shifted a necklace into view, as if reassuring herself that it was there. It was a strange green amulet that I had never seen Hnossa without. She touched the stone gently.

"Mother..." I edged forward cautiously, "That necklace...you always said there was a purpose for it, beyond a trinket... and it greatly resembles the one that allows you to speak with Ve..."

My words caught the attention of all my sisters.

Mother nodded as though she were sleepwalking. "Once a year, we will be able to speak with Hnossa briefly. This jewel will allow her to temporarily take another's form, and speak through them."

There was a collective gasp, my own voice included in it. Relief and pain fought in my heart- this wasn't really goodbye, but to only be able to hear from Hnossa once a year? It hurt.

No-one else spoke for some time. Halting footsteps sounded outside, followed by a tentative knock on the door. Frey walked slowly inside, his eyes downcast. He spared one long look at Hnossa, before taking Mother's hands in his.

"Freyja. It is time for the funeral."

She did not respond. He released her, his eyes brimming. His gaze slipped to us.

"Nieces. I think it would be best if you said your goodbyes now. You will not be able to approach once the ceremony begins."

Moving slowly, as if we all still hoped that this was somehow a dream, we approached Hnossa in single file, all pressing a final kiss to her cheek or forehead. Nanna placed the crown of flowers she had made back into Hnossa's hair. Mother stepped forward last, pressing her forehead to Hnossa's, and clasping her joined hands tightly. She sank to her knees there and did not move. Frey had to lift her by her shoulders to get her to move, and even then she wouldn't release Hnossa's hands. Her expression then... I had never seen so much pain.

"Freyja, please..." Frey urged, his own voice cracking. Mother shook her head fervently, like a child trying to deny tiredness, as if this would not be real if she refused to let go.

Jord brushed past me, startling me, as I hadn't even noticed her re-entering the room,. She walked over to Mother and gently but firmly disentangled her hands from Hnossa's. Mother's knees gave, and she collapsed, weeping as if she would never stop. Jord murmured something in her ear, too soft for me to catch, and Mother's bloodshot eyes slowly focused, on me, then on my sisters. With Jord's support, she managed to get to her feet. We all grouped around her, seeking and hoping to give comfort, as Frey gently lifted Hnossa into his arms and slowly began moving. This was Hnossa's final journey, to the shore, and the boat-pyre that waited for her. We all trailed behind, walking as slowly as we could. There were no words for this. Falling teardrops were the only sound that accompanied our footsteps as we approached the beach, and the small crowd of mourners.

_**To be concluded...**_

**AN: * Events described in Shadows and Regrets**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Five**

**(Atum's POV)**

Atum stood a distance from the mourners as Hnossa's body was laid atop the pyre on the ship built for this purpose. He leaned against a tree, cloaked in invisibility and shadow. Odin was the one who lit the pyre. His three sons stood by Frigga, all solemn and silent. Freyja was weeping and leaning on her daughters. Gaea stood with her, silent as she watched her grandchild be consigned to ash and water.

"I'm sorry," Atum whispered, his eyes on the flaming ship. It floated across the lake, scarlet flowers blooming in the air. "I truly am sorry."

He stood and watched. Odin's youngest left his family to put his arm around Freyja's young Nanna, who clung to him as if he were a life raft. The whelp, Loki, stared at his feet while Sigyn stole glances at him, clearly wanting the comfort of his arms around her.

Freyja pulled away from her family, and turned from everyone, walking along the beach. Her arms were wrapped tight around her torso, and her shoulders shook with sobs. Atum watched her, his heart sinking into a black pit. Once, he would have thought that eventually the hurt between them could be repaired.

But all the hope that he had was burning.

Freyja turned her head, and Atum shrank deeper into the shadow, wrapping his invisibility tighter around himself. His sister continued on her way.

Slowly, the mourners moved away, going to drink their woes away like the lesser gods always did. Gaea stood the longest, standing on the beach as the ship disappeared, until she was completely alone. Slowly, she turned and walked directly to the trees where Atum stood.

"I'm glad you came."

Atum was silent.

Gaea reached into her robes, and pulled out a folded, sealed envelope. His name was written on it. "Hnossa asked that I give you this."

Atum did not take it.

"She wanted you to know that she forgave you a long time ago."

"Give it to Thoth, if you want me to read it. I'll destroy it if I touch it right now."

Gaea slipped the letter back into her robes. "Hating yourself does no good."

"So you've said."

"Talk to Freyja."

Atum bowed his head. "I've hurt her enough. How many times will Chthon target her because of me? No, it's best if I keep my distance and not ask for the forgiveness I have no right to."

"Atum," Gaea sighed. "She will always hurt until she is able to forgive you for the things Chthon forced you to do, and that will never happen if you keep hiding in the shadows."

Atum's gaze fell to the far-distant plume of smoke. He straightened his shoulders and opened a portal back to his home realm. "Sentiment," he said before he stepped through, "is weakness. We all have our purposes. I was born to kill. Hnossa was born to die."

_**The End.**_


End file.
